REvamping. REnewing My Life and Blog

I am hoping to revamp this blog into something useful for people and family members of those suffering from silent and invisible illnesses. 

Over the last few years, I have been afflicted with a silent condition.  The condition is Fibromyalgia.  I also live with PTSD and depression.  I have a son who suffered a TBI a little over a year ago and we, as a family, are learning to live and cope with these issues.  And hopefully, along the way, offer some inspiration and solidarity to people quietly living with these issues. 

 I hope I gain new readers and friends on this journey.  

Life Altering Circumstances and Stuff Like That.

When I first started this blog, I had great aspirations and hope that I would eventually own either a bakery or food truck.  Those dreams, through various twists and turns and roads not taken, have been squished, squashed, imploded, blown to smithereens. 

I have recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia.  I've known for years that something hasn't been quite right.  I just pretended that the tingling, itching, aching, throbbing pain was what everyone felt.  I remember asking my husband..."Don't your hurt all the time" and him replying with a simple "no".  

That was years ago.  I spent the next years just assuming that I would eventually have enough of the pain to actually visit my doctor, get a magic pill and all would be well.  That is not at all how it went down.  

So, now I have a diagnosis and a lot of anger and lots and lots of questions.  

 

On Conversion and Whoopie Pies

On Conversion and Whoopie Pies

Over the course of several years, I have experienced a conversion in both some of my political ideals and my religious views.  And I also have resumed my pursuit of a bakery/cafe. 

Still a left-leaning, no.  A God leaning liberal.  I have become somewhat passionate about pro-life issues, where a few years ago, I avoided them like the Ebola virus.  My passion includes all aspects of life...physician assisted suicide, abortion, and death penalty.  I have come, after years of prayer and study, that all life is sacred.  That all life is subject to Natural Law and deserves to exist from conception to natural death.  

My ideas of what being open-minded has also changed quite a bit.  The idea that everything is ok, as long as it effects no one else has taken an interesting new twist for me.  There is one truth, everyone doesn't have a different truth that is so subjective as to be non-existent.  Again, I blame this on my active prayer life and maturing in God.  

I have in this time, gained a new respect for my God given talent in the culinary realm.  I am a gifted cook/baker.  I have finally come to own that fact.  Using this blog as a showcase for that talent is something I look forward to.  

So, in a nutshell; I'm back and ready to shake or stir things up a bit.  Welcome and hold on to your hat!

Pamphlets

I have been a Catholic my entire life and until the last two election cycles, have never received voter information.  I find it a bit disturbing that I have a hierarchy who thinks it's acceptable to tell me what to vote for and what to lobby against.

Over the last couple of weeks, there have been pamphlets in the pews from the Colorado Catholic Conference stating that I need to "Protect Traditional Marriage".  I am to vote no on Civil Union Legislation.  And if I fail to vote in this way I am somehow failing to protect women and children.

I fail to see how civil union legislation passing endangers women and children.  I'd love for someone to explain this to me.  These people of the Colorado Catholic Conference had better come up with a more compelling reason for me to vote or not vote for something than silly scare tactics.


Don't get me wrong, I support my church's stand on most issues and follow all the doctrinal issues with fidelity.  But telling me what to vote for and not to vote for is not one of those things that they have jurisdiction over.

I am a citizen of the United States.  And as a citizen of this country I am guaranteed the right to vote as I see fit.  As long as I cultivate a good conscience and vote using that conscience, the church has no right to tell me how to vote. 

Of all the ills plaguing society and all the issues that work against women and children, civil unions is at the bottom of this list.  When am I going to start seeing pamphlets addressing poverty and domestic violence lining the pews of my church?

Sunday morning you look just fine

Temper flairs and internet set up to the television apparently go hand in hand...for me anyway. This morning the husband and I tried to set up our new Blockbuster Movie Pass to our tv. The impatient side of me comes out. I should always do the physical side of things as I get so frustrated while trying to get the husband-type person to do the things that seem so easy to me, yet so perplexing for him. I am thinking that the problem is with my direction and not his reception. hmm, food for thought, food for thought.

Going to mass...

I'm going through a spiritual dry spot. I know that I need to attend mass this morning, but with this new job I'm finding myself becoming very possessive of my personal time.

Another consideration could be that my pastor is out of the country, visiting his home country of Nigeria and I am really missing his homilies.

Our fill-in priest is perfectly acceptable. In fact, he's the former pastor. I have just become accustomed to MY pastor and his style. Not to mention, I will have to reteach my ears in how to understand Father Kazito's accent when he returns.

Sin

On a forum where I post, the question of sin has come up.  What is sin?  Is sin not sin if you don't believe it?

 My perspective is as a Catholic.  As a fairly well informed Catholic. 

I do not believe sin to be subjective or ever changing depending on the circumstance.  Sin is sin.  If you steal you steal.  If you fool around on your husband you fooled around on your husband.  What I do think changes is the level at which we will be judged for those sins.

The mom who steals because her children are hungry, has stolen, there is no disputing that fact.  The person who screwed around on their spouse, has broken his/her sacramental vows.  No doubt.  The sin is still a sin.  It is there, it never changes.  There is no degrees to the sin.  It just is.  It just exists.

What does change in this scenario at the end of our early existence, I believe, is God's mercy.  God alone sees the big picture attached to our sin.  The sin is stealing, but He sees the intent and the motivation behind the scenes.  Is this a single mom stealing to feed her kids, is it an angry young man taking stereos from cars to sell for partying because he has no direction in life, through a lifetime of neglect and abuse.  Only God will know this. 

I think we are going to be judged on the level of our understanding and experience.  At least I have great hope that God is going to take that track.  If he loves us individually, each of us, since before we were born, I cannot imagine that that great mercy and love isn't going to extend to the end of our lives too...

I'm counting on it  

One Day at a Time

No, I'm not an alcoholic, just a middle aged woman trying to wrap my head around the fact that I'm a middle aged woman! This working full time after 14 years of part time work is a little difficult. I've survived one month with my new position and while it is getting easier to navigate the job...Waking up at 3:30 Tues through Sat is not so easy. I think about writing in here everyday, but I just don't seem to get to it. I will do better though, as I have so much to say

What I really want to do...

What I really want to do is bake, but real life and real world situations are keeping me from it. This is my calling, and the frustration of not being able to make that a reality is very disheartening. I don't mind working at a job that I don't particularly want for a while, I understand that I need to be flexible in this life. But as a middle aged woman, I need to know when it's going to be my turn? Now, this appears to be turning into a whiny bitch session, and I didn't mean for it to be that. I'll be back later today, after work, when I am facing 2 days off. If anyone reads this, have a great day! And I mean that sincerely!

A New Chapter

It's been a while since I've written on this blog. Most of the people following it probably won't even remember who I am.

I think I need this back in my life to help me work through this transition though.

After almost 14 years of sporadic part time employment, I have re-entered the full time workforce. Dan, my husband quit a position that moved us closer to Denver and I have found myself in need of full time employment.

I have begun a career as an "Executive Resolutions" team member at a provider of satellite television. Yes, I am a glorified customer service agent!

I took this position in early December and am now out of my first phase of training. I'm not sure whether this is the career path that I will remain on, but for now it's rather interesting. And it's a pretty good gig, the biggest down-side being that during this training phase I am tethered to a telephone for 8 hours a day.

After years of laid back positions, it's been a little difficult adjusting to a more restrictive, tabs kept on me, environment. We'll have to wait and see how it goes. But for now, it's where I am and I need to make the best of the situation.

I have met some wonderful people on this journey, both men and women, who are turning out to be a sort of extended family for me. Everything from former military to newly separated, to pregnant with first child, to furloughed airline attendant, to single mom and divorced men to me...former stay at home mom with aspirations of owning her own bakery.

So, come along with me on this journey...you never know what's going to happen next in this girl's life.